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Jack 2010 Basketball

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Curling my hair .... just say Thank You.

This morning I was curling my hair with a curling iron. WOW! Sounds exciting, huh? But anytime I do this I inevitably get responses from those I see everyday like ... "I like your hair today?" "Did you curl it?" "You have nice hair, I wish I could do that to mine." Or like Emma said when she saw me, "Mommy, you look pretty!"

Normally I respond with some sarcastic remark like ... "I'm so sick of my hair, I had to do something." or "Really? You like it? I thought it looked kinda of poofy." Instead .... I need to just say "Thanks. I did spend a little time on it today and I'm glad you noticed."

You see by me not accepting their compliment, I'm really saying their opinion is dumb. Which of course, isn't true, but don't we all do that? Especially women. "I love your shirt." "Got it at Target, $9.99." ... why can't we just say Thank You?

Anyway ... just one of those thoughts I had today and wanted to express. So today, I just say Thank You!

14 ..........

14. This age has always seemed like a pivotal age to me. When I hear someone is 14, I can instantly picture myself at 14. I was skinny. I was busy. I played sports. I studied hard. I had good friends all around. I was changing. I was a 9th grader.

My son is 14.

He turned 14 in February, so he's not the oldest in his class, but right in the middle. He was probably just under 5'10" when he turned 14. Pretty tall for an 8th grader ... (everyone tells us, "Wow, he's really tall." Honestly, I don't know how to react to that .... "Thank you, we grew him that way?") Over the course of the last 9-10 months, this boy has grown to be 6'2" with no signs of stopping. He's skinny, he's busy, he's changing ... he's a 9th grader.

He talks to me, but sometimes only when I make him. When he does, it's more of a mumble and if I dare say "What?", it's always "Never mind, Mom." I have ears like my mother's side of the family AND he's 14 and a boy ... not a good combination for trying to hear clearly. But he does talk to me. I try hard to stop whatever it is I'm doing when he decides to grace me with his conversation because it's not often these days. So I'll listen for the precious moments he gives me and often times bite my tongue so as not to react, interrupt or change the subject.

He plays ball. Boy does this kid play ball. He's naturally gifted, has been since he came out of the womb. He takes after his father that way. However, he doesn't utilize his talents like his dad. Video games, texting, computers, watching ESPN ... these things all seem to take away from the natural drive our generation had to continually improve on skills. We're working on that with him. We can't do it for him, just hopefully guide him and hope the "spark" to continually improve hits him.

He is smart and wants to do well in school. He gets this from me. He has always been very good at his studies, just like I was. He also wants to get good grades, just like I did. Not that Scott isn't smart, he just had more drive for athletics than books in high school.

He has a girlfriend. They've never had a true one-on-one date, but they are a couple in the high school hallways and they both are "In a Relationship" on Facebook, so it must be real. Initially I thought 'oh, isn't that cute,' but then I remembered I kissed my first boy shortly after turning 14 and I first started dating my husband at 14 (shortly before turning 15)! So I'm treating his relationship respectfully because he really does like this girl. This was one of the things he told me pretty clearly as we were driving in a car (staring straight ahead of course) one day on the way home from one of his practices.

He has both his parents. This is where he and I differ. I lost my dad when I was 14. Obviously this is why I think of 14 as such a pivotal year. I try to remember what I went through when my dad died and the best I can come up with is that I felt like I was supposed to feel: Sad and I cried. It didn't last long - the crying - and quite honestly, at the time, I probably more enjoyed the attention I got. After all, I was 14. Anytime you can feel 'special' at that age is huge. This sounds selfish and almost callous, but when I honestly think about that time in my life, this is truly how it was for me.

Being 14 and losing my dad didn't seem that strange. I didn't really miss him or want to have known him better until I was about 19 or 20. (It hit me hard my freshman and sophomore years in college.) But at the time he died, I was so wrapped up in my own world. I was busy, I played sports, I studied, I had lots of good friends ..... I was 14!

So today when I feel my son slipping away from me, or I feel like he is from a different planet, I try to remember me at 14. I honestly know that he loves me. I will keep trying to be a good parent. I will listen, bite my tongue, try to understand him better and of course love him. He's busy, he plays sports, he studies hard, he has loads of good friends ..... he is 14!

In an instant .....

Today I was driving back to my office from an appointment. Admittedly, I was looking at my cell phone deciding if I needed to place a phone call or not. In an instant, up ahead, a car started spinning out of control. It was less than 1/4 mile from me and in the next lane over.



It did a 180-spin and then a complete 360-spin on a 4-lane highway. Two or three cars needed to swerve to miss it. It stopped near the median, but partly in the lane I was in. As I was approaching, at a reduced speed, I slowed down to drive around them, but, at the last minute (and there were no cars directly in back of me), I stopped my car, rolled down my window and mouthed, "Are you alright?"

Two adult faces (a mom and dad) and 2 small children looked right at me. The mom, with a shiver in her eyes mouthed back, "Yes, thank you."



I drove on, as there was nothing else I could do. I kept an eye on them (and the road) as they slowly made their way back into a lane of the highway and began driving on to their destination and I to mine.



A mile or so down the road, maybe less, I just started crying.



How quickly life can change. In an instant a family of four could have been gone. In an instant, I could have been gone. It was so fast and so random. I thought of the fact that I didn't go down to my kids' rooms to kiss them good-bye this morning. I thought I should just let them sleep since it was a 2-hour delay and they needed to sleep. Truth be told, I was running late and needed to just get out the door. So stupid and so sad.



So because of today, I'm going to try to remind myself that, in an instant, life can be changed FOREVER and in an instant .... I can tell someone, "I love you!"

Happy Chaotic New Year ... good-bye to the noughties!

Chaotic: The behavior of systems that follow deterministic laws but appear random and unpredictable. Chaotic systems are very sensitive to initial conditions; small changes in those conditions can lead to quite different outcomes.


Although I don't always go to church, I feel that I am truly spiritual and a Christian. I think that God has always had a plan for me and my life. While His plan will work its way through me, His gift of independent thought and freewill allow me to alter that plan as I go through life.

I started this post a week or so ago. How quickly life can change. (continuing Jan 3, 2010)

My husband's nephew passed away this past weekend! Just as we were hoping to have a less chaotic year something huge throws it all in a spin again! I'm trying hard to understand why this happens and while I don't give up on my beliefs, there are those times when it just doesn't make sense and I want to scream at the top of my lungs, "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY KIDDING ME!?!?!"

Then as I'm contemplating this question, I get many people reaching out that either I don't hear from often or really never had a relationship with and they share something with me that shows me there is a direction and a path to follow. Why life takes such unbelievably harsh turns, I don't know. But I'm going to once again trust that there is a point and that when my time comes it will have all mattered.

Rest in Peace, Dean ... and Pat, Tom, Dad, Rudy, etc .....

Blessings Abound!

Look at this joy! My Emma. She is truly a gift from God! This picture was taken last year in Mexico. We went as a family to Play del Carmen. 20 of us! What an experience. Sisters, brothers-in-law, nieces, nephews, and my mother! How lucky of a gift this was.