Happy Chaotic New Year ... good-bye to the noughties!

Chaotic: The behavior of systems that follow deterministic laws but appear random and unpredictable. Chaotic systems are very sensitive to initial conditions; small changes in those conditions can lead to quite different outcomes.


Although I don't always go to church, I feel that I am truly spiritual and a Christian. I think that God has always had a plan for me and my life. While His plan will work its way through me, His gift of independent thought and freewill allow me to alter that plan as I go through life.

I started this post a week or so ago. How quickly life can change. (continuing Jan 3, 2010)

My husband's nephew passed away this past weekend! Just as we were hoping to have a less chaotic year something huge throws it all in a spin again! I'm trying hard to understand why this happens and while I don't give up on my beliefs, there are those times when it just doesn't make sense and I want to scream at the top of my lungs, "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY KIDDING ME!?!?!"

Then as I'm contemplating this question, I get many people reaching out that either I don't hear from often or really never had a relationship with and they share something with me that shows me there is a direction and a path to follow. Why life takes such unbelievably harsh turns, I don't know. But I'm going to once again trust that there is a point and that when my time comes it will have all mattered.

Rest in Peace, Dean ... and Pat, Tom, Dad, Rudy, etc .....

Blessings Abound!

Look at this joy! My Emma. She is truly a gift from God! This picture was taken last year in Mexico. We went as a family to Play del Carmen. 20 of us! What an experience. Sisters, brothers-in-law, nieces, nephews, and my mother! How lucky of a gift this was.

Number 9 ... Number 9 .... Number 9

"Everyone of them knew that as time went by they'd
Get a little bit older and a little bit slower but... " (a line from Beatles' Revolution #9)


My husband and I have lost many dear loved ones in the years ending in '9'. Scott's Dad died in 1969, my Dad in 1979, Scott's brother, Tom, in 1989 and then his sister, Pat, this year in 2009.

So I've decided 2009 is a year I'm good with saying good-bye to.

I have not lived this year well. I have become lazy in many aspects of my life.

Physically, I've done less than nothing to stay in shape and as the year ends, I feel like a woman who is 10 years older than I did just 2-3 years ago.

Socially, I haven't kept very good contact with dear friends. This has been an easy thing to rationalize as EVERYONE is SOOO busy with their kids, jobs, families, volunteer work, etc. But honestly, to me there has never been more important than my connection to girlfriends. And, yet, somehow it is the first thing I neglect when other "more important" things arise.

At my job, well, I feel like this was a year that I was not at my best either. Some of this was not entirely my doing, but it was a year of reorganizing our department and coming up with our best strategy moving forward. It left me feeling like I wasn't working my hardest and a little empty inside.

As a Mom, I have been short-tempered and not present. My son has tested me in more ways than I care to admit, but in reality, he's just being a teen. My eleven year old is starting to show signs of the dreaded teen years, but yet, she remains a constant "best friend" to me when I need her the most. In all, when I look in on both of them asleep in their beds at night, they remind me of what a wonderful life I do have.

With that said, 2010 is going to be a year of great things for me! I will get off my sorry ass both literally and figuratively and work to make this one of the best years ever! I will make certain resolutions but they will only involve the relationships I care most about; my husband, my kids, my dear friends and family .... but most of all MYSELF! I think this past year has given me the "Revelation" that I am the person who makes all the world happy for ME!

Waiting .... or weighting ....

Today I spent half the day at the Mayo Clinic with my Mom and sister, Shari. Mom had to have an appointment to get her blood pressure checked. Her appointment was scheduled for 1:30, she gets in at 2:30pm! Let me know if I'm crazy, but if there is one place that the Clinic shouldn't make people impatiently wait it's the hypertension area? Am I stupid or is that just the most inane thing ever. Plus, the waiting room there is on a lower lever, all white walls, no windows, cramped and (according to my mom) a very "snotty girl" at the desk!

My mom had kidney cancer surgery 2 years ago this month. It was a very scary time. It was the first time in my entire life that I really thought about my Mom actually not being here one day. She's nearly 82 years old, but seriously looks in her mid-60's. But in 2007, when she went through the ordeal, she got so thin and was so weak and because I could see fear in her face (for the first time ever), it made me really think .... wow, she just might no outlive us all.

Flash forward 2 years and here she is, one less kidney and looking and feeling great. Of course she needs to monitor her BP for the rest of her (very long) life, but she looks and (says she) feels great! The "non-American" (whispered tone as Aud says it) doctor did tell her he'd like her to lose the 6 lbs she has gained in the last year. (The woman is all of MAYBE 130!). Of course, this of all the things he probably said to her (if she heard him, because the Kindseth hearing is notoriously bad), was all she honed in on was, "I need to lose weight!"

We asked her if she reminded him that it is December and Christmastime. "I don't think he celebrates Christmas. You know he had an accent!" (as a smart ass, I asked ... Canadian?). Of course to my mom that means he probably doesn't even realize that Minnesota Norwegians eat all the carb-loaded, white food possible this time of year and yes, it can make us gain a little weight. Oh well ... I love her so much!

Just trying to find myself

So I finally decided I'm going to try this blogging thing. Yes, I'm a little late, what the hell! And yes, the name of the blog is from the famous line in Ferris Bueller where Ben Stein says so beautifully:

"In 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in an effort to alleviate the effects of the ... Anyone? Anyone? ... the Great Depression, passed the ... Anyone? Anyone? The tariff bill? The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act? Which, Anyone? Raised or lowered? ... Raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government.. Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did NOT work, and the united States sand keeper into the Great Depression. Today we have a similar debate over this. Anyone know what htis is? Class? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone seen this before? The Laffer Curve. Anyone know what this says? It says that at this point on the revenue curve, you will get exactly the same amount of revenue as at this point. This is very controversial. Does ANYONE know what Vice President Bush called this in 1980? ANYONE? Something -d-o-o economics. "Voodoo" economics."

That cracks me up everytime! I name my blog this because sometimes I wonder if ANYONE thinks or feels the same way I do and if there would be anyone that would understand me.

I don't even know what the tone of this blog should be, but I know I have a whole lotta useless thoughts in my head that I don't always feel I can verbally express. So why not do it here. Someone may have the same mindset and relate. And ... as the title of the blog suggests, maybe there isn't anyone out there and it's just me. That I can live with. I just know that there are times when I want so bad to say things out loud and luckily my good midwestern, Norwegian, Lutheran backgroud stops me from saying them and they just bottle up inside. I figure, this may be a good place to let them out.

Don't get me wrong, they aren't necessarily rants .... like "why the hell is Matt Lauer interviewing Tiger Woods hos, er I mean, mistresses? Hasn't he had his "Charlene Tilton" moments enough in the past year to move on to something more respectable?"

Sometimes, they are just observances, like .... "a little styrofoam cup.... hmmm". Ok, that one I should have kept to myself many years ago, because I have this wonderful friend whom I said it to and she NEVER lets me forget it. But I guess that's what great about having friends you totally trust and love ... you say stupid things out loud and they get to continually remind you of them! I love you, Renee!

Anyway, I think overall, I will just try to keep the tone of my blog light and fun. More than anything, I want it to reflect who I really am ... not always who others see everyday of me. That is me, but not the whole me!