14 ..........

14. This age has always seemed like a pivotal age to me. When I hear someone is 14, I can instantly picture myself at 14. I was skinny. I was busy. I played sports. I studied hard. I had good friends all around. I was changing. I was a 9th grader.

My son is 14.

He turned 14 in February, so he's not the oldest in his class, but right in the middle. He was probably just under 5'10" when he turned 14. Pretty tall for an 8th grader ... (everyone tells us, "Wow, he's really tall." Honestly, I don't know how to react to that .... "Thank you, we grew him that way?") Over the course of the last 9-10 months, this boy has grown to be 6'2" with no signs of stopping. He's skinny, he's busy, he's changing ... he's a 9th grader.

He talks to me, but sometimes only when I make him. When he does, it's more of a mumble and if I dare say "What?", it's always "Never mind, Mom." I have ears like my mother's side of the family AND he's 14 and a boy ... not a good combination for trying to hear clearly. But he does talk to me. I try hard to stop whatever it is I'm doing when he decides to grace me with his conversation because it's not often these days. So I'll listen for the precious moments he gives me and often times bite my tongue so as not to react, interrupt or change the subject.

He plays ball. Boy does this kid play ball. He's naturally gifted, has been since he came out of the womb. He takes after his father that way. However, he doesn't utilize his talents like his dad. Video games, texting, computers, watching ESPN ... these things all seem to take away from the natural drive our generation had to continually improve on skills. We're working on that with him. We can't do it for him, just hopefully guide him and hope the "spark" to continually improve hits him.

He is smart and wants to do well in school. He gets this from me. He has always been very good at his studies, just like I was. He also wants to get good grades, just like I did. Not that Scott isn't smart, he just had more drive for athletics than books in high school.

He has a girlfriend. They've never had a true one-on-one date, but they are a couple in the high school hallways and they both are "In a Relationship" on Facebook, so it must be real. Initially I thought 'oh, isn't that cute,' but then I remembered I kissed my first boy shortly after turning 14 and I first started dating my husband at 14 (shortly before turning 15)! So I'm treating his relationship respectfully because he really does like this girl. This was one of the things he told me pretty clearly as we were driving in a car (staring straight ahead of course) one day on the way home from one of his practices.

He has both his parents. This is where he and I differ. I lost my dad when I was 14. Obviously this is why I think of 14 as such a pivotal year. I try to remember what I went through when my dad died and the best I can come up with is that I felt like I was supposed to feel: Sad and I cried. It didn't last long - the crying - and quite honestly, at the time, I probably more enjoyed the attention I got. After all, I was 14. Anytime you can feel 'special' at that age is huge. This sounds selfish and almost callous, but when I honestly think about that time in my life, this is truly how it was for me.

Being 14 and losing my dad didn't seem that strange. I didn't really miss him or want to have known him better until I was about 19 or 20. (It hit me hard my freshman and sophomore years in college.) But at the time he died, I was so wrapped up in my own world. I was busy, I played sports, I studied, I had lots of good friends ..... I was 14!

So today when I feel my son slipping away from me, or I feel like he is from a different planet, I try to remember me at 14. I honestly know that he loves me. I will keep trying to be a good parent. I will listen, bite my tongue, try to understand him better and of course love him. He's busy, he plays sports, he studies hard, he has loads of good friends ..... he is 14!